An Open Letter to the Office of the Los Angeles District Attorney

********************************************************************************
I am survivor of sexual assault and battery.  In 2015 I took the anxiety ridden steps of going to two different LAPD offices, first to make a report and then to speak with a detective.  I waited for months while an investigation was undertaken.  The report was then submitted to your office by LAPD’s West Bureau for prosecutorial review. I was not able to view the the final report, but the content referenced the following:

While working on a piece of choreography for several months in 2002 with a fellow dancer I was subject to multiple instances of groping, sexual battery, verbal abuse and hate email, threat of rape and extortion through intimidation.  The dance work made it to the stage, but the experience left me traumatized. My attacker claimed to have several relatives in law enforcement, and as a result I was fearful and silent.

13 years went by before I was able to disclose to a close friend about what had happened.  I came forward publicly shortly after finding out that the violent man who had attacked me was still teaching dance to adolescents as well as adults. I felt that I had a level of responsibility to report him at that point, and sought advice from a leader in my religious community who helped me solidify my decision. My friend then accompanied me to file a police report.  I found out belated from others in the dance community that my attacker had physically assaulted several other dancers, and these assaults were both choking incidents.  I am sure you are aware of  The Lethality Assessment Program, which highlights any attempt to strangle or choke a domestic or intimate partner as a top lethality risk factor.  I would like to inform you that due to the mandatory physical contact and level of trust that must be given when working with a dance partner you are as vulnerable as any intimate partner could be.  Ask any man who partners a woman in any form of dance or skating how much trust his partner must put in him.  He will tell you 100%.  Ask that same man how many seconds his partner can hesitate when executing a move before it goes poorly.  He will tell you 0. You are protected by a thin layer of clothing and that is all. 

LAPD got my attacker in for questioning and submitted their report, but your office declined to take any action.  Let me tell you what happened five months later:
I ordered a birthday cake for my son over the phone and gave an estimated pick up time.  On the specified day I went to the bakery and parked in the closest available spot in the crowded parking lot, next to a large white truck.  Inside the bakery I was told to wait because the decorations had not been completed. While I waited two men who had been sitting by the window got up and walked out, proceeding in the direction of my parked car.  I was called to the counter to get the cake.  I then exited the bakery and walked towards my car.  I was almost to my car and directly in front of the truck when I found myself suddenly face down on the ground, looking at a smashed cake box.  I heard engine noise, and the truck pulled out of the parking space.  I had no idea how I had ended up on ground.  I was distressed and confused but did not think I that was injured.  I went home.  As time went by I realized that my arm was not working properly.  I got an MRI and was informed that the multiple, complex tears I had sustained combined to present an inoperable situation.  I had been tased.  I had experienced critical amnesia and did not recall falling or feeling any pain.  My assailants were pros.  And I know who sent them.

 
I now have only partial use of my dominant, right arm.  I have left Los Angeles county.

Thank you for not doing your job.

Very Sincerely Yours,
Loren Denker

Stop Asking "Why Did You Stay?" And Start Asking Them Why They Did It

******************************************************

Asking a survivor of domestic violence, “Why did you stay?” is called victim blaming, and it’s no different than asking a rape victim:  Why did you wear that dress? or those shoes? or…   STOP IT.

It is irrelevant and counter productive. So stop It. NOW.

How about asking the abuser: “What the hell did you do that for?!”  or “What’s wrong with you, man?!” Or better yet, just tell them that they could end up in jail.  Because domestic violence of any kind is a crime.  And a crime victim is never responsible for the illegal act perpetrated against them. Never. So just stop it. NOW.

'Don't Speak II' - A Poem

********************************************************************************

I did not know

when I said “yes”

that the ring around my finger

would become

the yoke around my neck

voicing my opinion led him to object 

and say

“DON’T SPEAK!”

sometimes without even saying a word.

and the sergeant he was busy

had no time to hear my words.

others tried to twist them

or add to them with theirs

the dancer groped my body

because he didn’t like my mind

Others changed the subject 

to a topic more benign, 

even my family tried to shut me up

(wow, I must be dangerous)

So 

I wrote 

a book.