Thursday, October 17, 2019

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - FYI


The STATE OF CALIFORNIA Bravery Award for Being Female and Reporting Criminal Conduct To The Appropriate Authorities:

1)  FOR REPORTING Domestic Violence

      YOU GET: Kidnapping and Torture

2)  FOR REPORTING Police Misconduct

      YOU GET:  Professionally Sideswiped in Your Car and Years of Harassment

3)  FOR REPORTING Sexual Assault

     YOU GET: Tasered in a parking lot by friends of the assailant who work in law       enforcement.

AND…

Chronic and Severe PTSD.

Fear of Law Enforcement Officers and the inability to drive safely in an entire city.

The loss of all practical use your dominant arm and chronic pain, as well as a stalker on the loose to disturb your mental peace every waking moment of every day.

Saturday, July 6, 2019

2019


I met
the handsome surgeon
in 1989 and we were secretly
married later that year
in a courthouse
in San Bernardino
by a lady with a beehive hairdo
and false eyelashes
so we could stay in my home country while we planned our wedding
in 1990 which was followed by our honeymoon and the
mysterious disappearance of my passport
on our flight home from paradise.

In 1994 he worked on cadaver arms in the garage and
stored them in the freezer in the laundry room
but one of them had fingernails that were long, painted 
female
although that didn’t matter because the prestigious American Society for Surgery of the Hand
liked his resultant work and accepted him into their elite membership.

We had a child
and then another child
and then I had knee surgery
and he wheeled me, still attached to the I.V., past the objecting nurse to bring me home to
rig the tube over the sconce over 
our bed
so he could use the port in my arm to stuff a syringe full of morphine into my vein
to watch me scream and writhe.

 And then it happened sometime that night.

The morning brought children to see
Is mommy ok?
Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry
sit here, let’s read a story.
Let’s read a story it will all be okay, 
because
we have preschool and playgrounds
mommy-and-me art, 
swim and dance
And sometimes,
he took us on vacation

But then lots of money disappeared and 
lots of porn showed up.
Objections were met with a jut-jawed, muscle pumped, clench fisted 
my-way-or-the-highway response.

So I left.

But I could not protect the children because everyone thought that this was all fine
even after I filed the police report
which made things worse because he had me abducted by local cops and stuffed
into a looney bin an hour outside of town.

Then the judge gave him full custody of the kids for a job well done.

23 days later I was returned home in a cab.
One month after that I got my 60% custody of the kids back 
along with the worsening of my PTSD.

The children grew up.
I grew in a flat line.

One child left for college, and when the second child turned 18 we went on a trip.
Luggage borrowed from their surgeon father bore an airport barcode sticker from the month before with my name on it and several small articles of women’s clothing inside.
Anger fueled courage took me fleet-footed sticker in hand to his door demanding
“What the hell is this?!”
to which I received jut-jawed growl “I-have-no-idea!” door slam.

I left a message on the TSA tip line.
They did not return my call.

The 18 year old left for college.
I left the county.

Then I wrote a book.
And talked to lots of people.
And left a message on the FBI tip website.
And I would like to hire a lawyer but I don’t have the money to buy one
like he does
or the powerful friends
like he does
to buy or barter for Justice
or safety or peace of any kind.
So I keep writing it all down 
so that my blood pressure doesn’t rocket up
bursting capillaries on my face
as my income stream slopes downward against the reality of my rent
and I hope I don’t get evicted while I wait
for someone, anyone, to figure out 
Who?
Exactly who,
is this man?


Thursday, July 4, 2019

In pursuit of Justice

Today marks the 12th anniversary of my abduction from my home, lasting 23 days, coordinated by my ex-husband and local police.  I am still seeking Justice!

Please check my book page for the latest update:

https://www.facebook.com/JusticeforDVsurvivors/

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Summer Success

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In July the California Partnership To End Domestic Violence announced that they had, 
“...succeeded in procuring an additional $20 million in California’s final state budget: $10 million for domestic violence shelters and services, $5 million for the family violence prevention program, and $5 million for rape crisis centers.”

This is certainly a hopeful development, and highlights the tremendous importance of strong agencies of advocacy.  As a survivor it is very heartening to read the organizational literature regarding the needs of survivors going forward:

“In addition to our recent gains, survivors still need 360 degree support after immediate crises—especially when seeking a permanent, stable, safe place to live. Flexible funding for housing and other support services are essential. Survivors also deserve more options for justice and healing—including restorative and transformative justice.”

Friday, August 31, 2018

Welcome

Created for Victims of Domestic Violence 

and anyone who knows one.

Because everyone should care.


Friday, July 27, 2018

Sheer Will


Before she knew he was a
Big Bully with tiny thoughts
the Petite Woman, full of heart
hired him to bring forth
her art.

But Big Bully Tiny Thoughts
and
Petite Woman Full of Heart
CLASHED.

He did not like her
strength and determination,
this mother of two young children,
and felt
threatened
by her loving nature.

So Big Bully Tiny Thoughts
tried to destroy
Petite Woman Full of Heart
by assaulting
her body
and desecrating 
her art.

But She will RISE
She will be SEEN
She will be HEARD.

She 

WILL.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

For A Comprehensive Federal Declaration on Freedom From Domestic Violence As A Fundamental Human Right

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    In 1948 the United Nations set forth a proclamation that guarantees the inalienable rights that we all possess simply for being human. This document, The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 
“…codifies various fundamental human rights, including the right to life, the right to non-discrimination, the right to freedom from torture and cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment, and the right to judicial remedies. Further, the United Nations has specifically deemed freedom from domestic violence to be a fundamental human right.”  
Freedom From Domestic Violence as a Fundamental Human Right
The University of Texas School of Law Human Rights Clinic in Association with  the Domestic Violence Clinic, the Legislative Lawyering Clinic, and the Austin/Travis County Family Violence Task Force

    While lawmakers in the United States have set forth proclamations during Domestic Violence Awareness Month acknowledging that the freedom from domestic violence is a fundamental human right, to date there is no stand alone federal act that addresses this very issue. It is my firm belief that the lack of tangible action on the subject is what keeps our nation from moving forward to the realization of a country where there truly is liberty, dignity and justice for all. If, as a nation we have adopted The Declaration of Human Rights and uphold its core values, then we must protect every person’s right to be free from domestic violence: 
    “Not only is the right to life violated by acts of domestic violence, but often such acts involve cruel and degrading treatment, not only in the form of physical abuse, but also through withholding of financial access, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. Such treatment violates various other basic human rights. For instance, the UN Special Rapporteur on torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment has drawn a parallel between domestic violence and acts of torture. The report emphasized the element of powerlessness, which is present in both domestic violence and torture. The Special Rapporteur defined powerlessness as “the intention to keep the victim in a permanent state of fear based on unpredictable violence by seeking to reduce the person to submission and destroy his/her capacity for resistance and autonomy . . .” 
(Ibid)

    Domestic violence cases require particular care and attention due to the fact that abuse occurs within the home, children are often involved, and abusers have easy access to victims. This issue has not been sufficiently addressed to adequately protect victims of abuse here in the United States.  A special national council or task force should be set up to focus specifically on these types of violations of basic human rights.  
    Furthermore, the invasion of unwanted pornography in the home promotes an environment of objectification, masculine dominance and hostility.  This has a detrimental effect on the emotional and psychological well being of domestic partners and falls under the prohibitions of Article 3 against “Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment.” 
    While no one can stop the proliferation of pornography, every person who does not want it in their home should have the right to be free of it, as it fuels violent emotions and promotes violent control over women: 
“Pornography contributes to violence against women by normalizing male dominance, fostering feelings of aggression in a sexual context, and creating a tool of abuse in intimate partner relationships.” 
Emily Gutierrez:Pornography and Violence Against Women Emory Undergraduate Research Journal, Spring 2013 

    As Mary Anne Layden, Phd, Director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program Center for Cognitive Therapy Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania points out:
“Many psychologists call internet pornography the new “crack cocaine” when you note the combination of the power of pornography with the ready, 24/7 of pornography on any computer, much of it free, accessible in the privacy and anonymity of the home. ….Pornographic depictions of the sexuality of women and children distort the truth about desires of women and children, and legitimizes men’s sense of entitlement, and use of force, violence, and degrading acts by the male actors.” 
Layden, Mary Anne (2017) [online] “Pornography and Violence: A New Look at Research” 
Center for Cognitive Therapy Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania

    If we cannot feasibly regulate the incessant flow of internet pornography, we should at least be able to be free of it in our own homes. Ones’ right to be free from degradation trumps any other persons’ right to participate in an activity that promotes anothers' degradation, domination or humiliation.
Further bolstering this argument is Article 4 in PART II of the Additional Protocols to the Geneva Conventions relating to the protection of victims of non-international armed conflict.
This article states that: 
“All persons who do not take a direct part or who have ceased to take part in hostilities … are entitled to respect for their person, honor and convictions and….the following acts… shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever: 
….Violence to the life, health and physical or mental well-being of persons.”.
International Committee of the Red Cross (2004) [online] “Basic Rules of the Geneva Conventions and Their Additional Protocols, Section 5, Sanctions” (2015)

    Additionally, under the category of ‘Sanctions’ in the provisions to Protocol I of the Conventions is a listing of grave breaches of international law which constitute war crimes. As stated: 
“These articles lay before the conscience of the world the list of especially grave violations of the Conventions and the Protocol which, were they to remain unpunished, would signify the degradation of human values and regression of the entire concept of humanity. 
These grave breaches are those involving any of the following acts:… willful killing, torture or inhuman treatment… willfully causing suffering or serious injury to body or health, any willful omission seriously endangering the physical or mental health or integrity of a person in the power of a (hostile) party.” 
(Ibid)

    If the above actions are heinous to the international community, why is it not similarly heinous that the physical and mental health of so many women is willfully endangered every day in this country within the confines of their homes? Furthermore, Article 13 of the Geneva Convention relative to the Treatment of Prisoners of War states that: 
“…prisoners of war must at all times be protected, particularly against acts of violence or intimidation and against insults and public curiosity.” 

 Article 14 also includes the entitlement:
“…to respect for their persons and their honor. Women shall be treated with all the regard due to their sex and shall in all cases benefit by treatment as favorable as that granted to men.” 

    Therefore, it follows that the fundamental human right to be free from domestic violence should also include the following: 
"The right to be free from verbal abuse, (inclusive of but not limited to name calling, insulting, threats or intimidation) financial control and manipulation, public humiliation, degradation of personal dignity, the unwanted presence or use of pornography in the home, and emotional or mental cruelty of any kind."

    These rights, if not upheld, constitute grave breaches of the international human rights standards that refer to any individual in the power or control of another, and must be addressed and firmly enforced. It is my sincerest hope that policy in the United States will soon reflect these values that we, as signatories to the Geneva Conventions, purport to uphold. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - FYI

The STATE OF CALIFORNIA   Bravery Award for Being Female and Reporting Criminal Conduct To The Appropriate Authorities : 1...